It has been an interesting weekend.

I went and had dinner with my sister.. took a short walk.. and had a very nice time.  I saw my doctor on Friday.. he gave me some neurotin.. and it has helped with my leg pain very much.  Not sure how it is going to do with migraines.. but at least leg pain is better.

I talked with a friend from Conneticut... who knows me extremely well.. I was telling him of what is going on.. he was extremely supportive...

I called Mike D last night and tonight.. and harrassed the hell out of him.. I said you can be as mean and rude as you want.. and I am still here... so give it your best... I am still going to harrass you... Thats what friends are for... He said.. We are friends? I said absolutey and you dont have a choice... He said it takes two.. I said noooooooo not at all.. I have enough love to go around...

I thought about going to church in Am.. but do not want to go back to Catholic Church.... I am not happy with my priest.. or deacon right now.. and have been away for a while..I thought about going to the church that my doctor goes to.. because he is so wonderful.. I assume it might be a good place to go.

I am not sure where I am at with God right now.. I am not angry.. but so wonder why my life has gone this way.. and why I am ment to be alone.. but at the same time.. I may be living my life by the way friends are on TV.  I dont have this huge circle of friends... but the few I do have are really nice people.

It makes me wonder if friendships are supposed to be like those on TV... My friends are all very different......... and I found out that many of them were part of my position... now that I dont have that position anymore....... I have Mike J, Mike D, Mark N.. Mark H... Kelly... my sister... Melissa... Mary Frances... Terrill..Howie..... they all run in different circles... but they are all good people and all wonderful to me on so many levels.  Maybe I have more than most.. maybe I have less....... but right now I feel very alone.. and very ............ detached from who I am supposed to be........Each one of my friends has a superior quality.. but the ones I miss....... damn.. I miss them are Calvin, Denise..

They both died last year from cancer... after long debilitating illnesses.. and part of me is jealous.. their crap is over.. and the rest of us are left here to deal with all the crap this world has to offer... all the pain and sadness...

I miss the times we went to fairs... and shows.. and shopping.. and lunch and dinner and breakfast..
I miss the hugs.. the calls.. the people who are right there...........I miss them all greatly.