The begining of a week, lawyers, therapist,

Well today was not a great day, talked with friends, drank some alieze, smoked some smokes, walked the dog, and all in all want to crawl into a hole.

I dont feel good today, and as with every day I wake up wondering if today is the day that I will get the infection to end my suffering.. but none today.

I see 2 lawyers next week. I am happy about this. Tues at 11 Mr. R, L. and Wed at 2pm Mr. P P...

I see a therapist next week on Tuesday BM... I dont think he knows what to make of me or what to do with me. When you boil this life of mine down to you have depression. I want to tell him to get a grip.. This is so not about depression. It is about not wanting to come back after infections. It is about being on top, and not wanting to build a career again.. It is about sadness in everything I have lost, and wasting of a life. I was happiest in my 20s. My life has gone down hill since then, and now.......... it is just enough. I know that infections will be my demise...

I was on 100 mg of Lantus, and I have stopped that. My blood sugars are 300-500 every day now.. My vision is being blurry.. which I totally expect.. My mood is okay..

I am taking nothing to stop this.. and I want the health care proxy in place to make sure no one can stop me..