The end begins

I have been diagnosed with diabetes since 2001. A recent visit to my endocrinologist and he states you will end up losing a foot, you will end up with more surgery. While he was going on it was like Charlie Browns teacher going wha whaaaaaaa wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaa wha whaaaaaaa

I had a light bulb moment. I dont need to do all the things he said. I dont need to quit smoking, I dont need to take my massive doses of insulin that are making me gain even more weight. I dont have to live like this anymore. I have had a serious infection / that required ventilation, surgery, or something like that every year since 2001. I am tired of it. I have decided to take control of my life, and stop doing it all.

I no longer take my very expensive lantus, or novalog. I am eating whatever I want, and I am seeing a lawyer, to get my health care proxy in place, and paying for my cremation. The biggest part of all this, is I cannot tell anyone, since they will harrass me or leave me. So I will just live until I die. There is a weight that has been lifted off me.

I am happy for the first time in my life. I want freedom from all of this. For the first time I have that and this blog is about the end of my journey at 37. I fully expect to be dead before I reach 38. But I want people to know what that is like, and I want people to understand what they did to be a part of my decision.