I told a friend today

I told someone today of what my plans were... he said he understood and changed the subject.... THAT is the reaction I would get from anyone who I tell. Okay ... and change the subject... My breath is short today.. and I need to take a shower... I want to end this soon.. I am hoping that my life is better for what is going to occur... I want to live life until I die.. no more hassles, no more crap, no more doctors... and hopefully no more tears.. the more I try and let people in the more sad I become.

My best friend as found what seems to be the love of her life... Where when she had no one.. it was lets go to dinner/ coffee once, twice, three times a week.. I have not seen in her in 3 weeks since she met this man.. I suppose that is status quo.. but it makes me sad, and in one way it makes me glad. She will make it fine when I am gone.. Maybe my life should be now making the people who depend on me.. not depend on me..that would be the best thing I could do