I met with one lawyer yesterday

It was incredible. I met with a lawyer yesterday. He agreed to do my health care proxy. He was so nice. He was so calm. He said I know the work you did, and now it is time someone defended you. You have the right to do this. You have the right to do anything they want you to do..I asked how much, and he said.. no charge, consider it my good deed for the day. I was so grateful. I actually started to cry. One person was giving me what I wanted, what I needed, and what I deserved. I felt on cloud nine.


I talked to MF who is my health care proxy. She was like I love and will support you in anyway you like. I know she believes in how I feel, and what I am doing. I know she will stand up to my family, and will not let me down.

I told my girlfriend TT, and she was great about it.. She understands..

I am a little sad this morning.. and I am not sure why.. MN a friend of mine got much more understanding.

I am happy...and it is not leaving this earth that scares me.. it is pushing everyone away when I am living..

We will see... It is rainy and crappy outside.. and I just ate some banana cream pie... and it was fantastic... that helped a little :D

I told a friend today

I told someone today of what my plans were... he said he understood and changed the subject.... THAT is the reaction I would get from anyone who I tell. Okay ... and change the subject... My breath is short today.. and I need to take a shower... I want to end this soon.. I am hoping that my life is better for what is going to occur... I want to live life until I die.. no more hassles, no more crap, no more doctors... and hopefully no more tears.. the more I try and let people in the more sad I become.

My best friend as found what seems to be the love of her life... Where when she had no one.. it was lets go to dinner/ coffee once, twice, three times a week.. I have not seen in her in 3 weeks since she met this man.. I suppose that is status quo.. but it makes me sad, and in one way it makes me glad. She will make it fine when I am gone.. Maybe my life should be now making the people who depend on me.. not depend on me..that would be the best thing I could do