Before I go.. Author unknown

Before I Go

Author Unknown

When my life has reached its very end,

And I take that final breath;

I want to know I've left behind,

Some "good" before my death.

I hope that in my final hour,

In all honesty I can say:

That somewhere in my lifetime,

I have brightened someone's day.

That maybe I have brought a smile

To someone else's face,

And made one moment a little sweeter

While they dwelled here in this place.

Lord, please be my reminder

And whisper softly in my ear ...

To be a "giver," not a "taker,"

In the years I have left here.

Give to me the strength I need,

Open up my mind and my soul . . .

That I might show sincere compassion,

And love to others before I go.

For if not a heart be touched by me,

And not a smile was left behind . . .

Then the life that I am blessed with,

Will have been a waste of time.

With all my heart, I truly hope

To leave something here on earth . . .

That touched another, made them smile

And gave to my life . . . worth

The end begins

I have been diagnosed with diabetes since 2001. A recent visit to my endocrinologist and he states you will end up losing a foot, you will end up with more surgery. While he was going on it was like Charlie Browns teacher going wha whaaaaaaa wha whaaaaaaaaaaaaa wha whaaaaaaa

I had a light bulb moment. I dont need to do all the things he said. I dont need to quit smoking, I dont need to take my massive doses of insulin that are making me gain even more weight. I dont have to live like this anymore. I have had a serious infection / that required ventilation, surgery, or something like that every year since 2001. I am tired of it. I have decided to take control of my life, and stop doing it all.

I no longer take my very expensive lantus, or novalog. I am eating whatever I want, and I am seeing a lawyer, to get my health care proxy in place, and paying for my cremation. The biggest part of all this, is I cannot tell anyone, since they will harrass me or leave me. So I will just live until I die. There is a weight that has been lifted off me.

I am happy for the first time in my life. I want freedom from all of this. For the first time I have that and this blog is about the end of my journey at 37. I fully expect to be dead before I reach 38. But I want people to know what that is like, and I want people to understand what they did to be a part of my decision.